Sayings
Following are sayings I've collected over the years which may ring true. Steve Garson
*****
"Success is not getting what you want ...
it's wanting what you get." Anonymous (1976? while in the service on my metal locker)
*****
"It may be difficult to say the right thing at the right time,
but it is far more difficult to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment." Anonymous (1976? while in the service on my metal locker)
*****
"If you want to get to heaven you've got to raise a little hell." Anonymous (1976? while in the service, and it wasn't
heaven - actually a step lower than purgatory : )
*****
"Don't look at the problem, look at the solution." Patch Adams/Robin Williams (1999?)
*****
"National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week - Free Drinks in Student Center
Lounge" Sign posted at Texas A&M (10/00)
*****
"I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened
of
the old ones." Nicholas Cage (11/00)
*****
Perspective on the life cycle
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough.
It
takes up a lot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus? I think
the life-cycle is all backwards. You should die first and get it all over with.
Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You
get a gold watch. You go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough
to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol and party. You get ready for
high school.
You go to grade school and become a kid. You play. You have no responsibilities.
You become a little baby & go back into the womb. You spend your last nine
months floating...Then, you finish off as an orgasm." Andy Rooney (11/00)
*****
"The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence.
It's greener where
you
water it more!" Anonymous (12/00)
*****
Engage mind before running motor (mouth). Anonymous (12/00)
*****
"Be quick, but don't hurry." John Wooden -Former coach of UCLA (12/00)
*****
"Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing
it." Chinese proverb (isn't this one great?!) (12/00)
*****
" Failure is a part of life. You can't let it intimidate you. The only way
you
truly fail is to stop trying altogether." Stephen Covey - author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People (01/01)
*****
"Always be working on a project or you'll be living in one." Mohammed Ali (1965?)
*****
3 Keys To Life:
1. Live life like there's no tomorrow
2. Love like you've never been hurt
3. Dance like your not being watched Anonymous (02/01)
*****
"Make work play and you'll be playing all your life."
From an Academy of Art College promo piece. (02/01)
*****
When you hear the train whistle blow, remind yourself to stay on track.
Dee Dee and Steve (02/17/01)
*****
Be unto others as you would want them to be unto you. "
Mama" Gerda Garson (When I was a wee lad)
*****
Following is appropriate kitchen humor:
Help keep the kitchen clean -- eat out.
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast and cheap.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
*****
Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible. Albert Einstein (Entered: 03/01)
*****
Following is some good relationship advice:
Fight like cats, but make up like dogs. Will and Grace -TV show (3/01/01)
*****
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Ben Franklin (3/01/01)
*****
Take a beer and send the truck to all of your friends!!!!!!
|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\ ||
| B u d w e i s e r | ||'""|""\__,_
| ______________ . ||__|__|___|)
([""(@)'(@)"""""**|(@)(@)****|(@)
16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen
as
"gross." Emailed forwarded from Tracy Britt (03/27/01)
*****
One day, at a local restaurant, a woman suddenly called out, "My son's choking!
He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"
A man from a nearby
table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing.
He stepped over with almost no look of concern, wrapped his hands around the
boy's gonads and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to
his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you so much!" the mother cried. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No," replied the man, "I
work for the IRS."
Emailed forwarded from Tracy Britt (03/27/01) *****
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." Steve Martin (04/05/01)
*****
" Silence is at times, the most important thing I have to say." John Brennan 1996 (saw at American River Inn in
Georgetown (Gold Country) with Dee Dee at 4/7/01)
*****
"It's completely unimportant which is why it's so interesting." John Brennan 1996 (saw at American River Inn in
Georgetown (Gold Country) with Dee Dee at 4/7/01)
*****
"Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it's the only one you have." John Brennan 1996 (saw at American River Inn in
Georgetown (Gold Country) with Dee Dee at 4/7/01)
*****
"The factory of the future will have only two employees - a man and a dog.
The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep
the man from
touching the equipment." Warren Bennis, professor at the University
of California School of Business (~11/00)
*****
"You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do." Henry Ford (c. 1905)
*****
TOGETHER EVERYONE ACHIEVES MORE I saw on a T-Shirt 08/01
*****
" Its been said that 5 percent, of people, make things happen, 50 percent
watch
things happen and the remainder wonder what happened." Bud Ross, FF-SS Chamber Pres. (10/01)
*****
" We're only young once, but with humor we can be immature forever." Art Gliner (?) (Posted11/01)
*****
Using cows to explain communism, socialism, fascism, capitalism, etc...
" Socialism: You have two cows. Give one to your neighbor."
" Communism: You have two cows. Give both cows to the government, and they
may
give you some milk they harvest from the cows."
" Facism: You have two cows. You give all the milk to the government, and
the government
sells it."
" Nazism: You have two cows. The government shoots you and takes both cows."
" Anarchism: You have two cows. Keep both cows, shoot the government agent
and
steal another cow."
" Capitalism: You have two cows. Sell one cow and buy a bull."
" Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government makes you take harmonica
lessons." Ann Landers Column (As seen in the Daily Republic
- Fairfield, CA 12/27/01)
*****
" Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything." Alexander Hamilton (Posted 03/02)
*****
"Are you a positive one, or a negative zero?" As seen on Lawrence Thunderburke's t-shirt (Scaramneto
Kings - NBA) (Posted 04/02)
*****
"Tough times don't last, tough people do!" From one of the WNBA Sacramento Monarch players (05/02)
*****
" I'm like and old tea bag...I get stronger in hot water" ? Don't know where I found this but it's a gem.
*****
" The Meaning of Life Is To Live It" As seen on New York license plate (07/02)...affects
of 9/11/01?
*****
" We're all here because we're not all there" Port Townsend, WA motto 1994 (as per David Benson)
*****
" The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high
and falling
short, but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark." Michelangelo
*****
" The more I see of other countries the more I love my own." Anonymous (07/02)
*****
" If you kick in the butt the man most responsible for your troubles, chances
are
you wont be able to sit down for 6 weeks."
Old Texas Saying (09/02 from USA Weekend magazine)
*****
" Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." Confucius (04/03)
*****
" All outbursts will be directed inwards where they can fester and become
a mental
illness." Dan Fein (12/03) On a more difficult day, behind
deadline, and courageouly holding it in...or not?
*****
" If you have a dime...Spend 5 cents on flour and spend the other 5 cents
on a
flower"
This reminds us the value of spiritual enlightenment as opposed to only
material wealth. Ancient Chinese Proverb (12/24/03 heard this on
the evening news)
*****
" I don't fear death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen (02/04 - Not sure when he said it,
but this is when I heard it.)
*****
" My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go
to bed
at night. In between, I occupy myself the best I can." Cary Grant (Date? from DR newspaper 03/04)
***** Smothers Brothers My cousins on my dad's mother's, Esther Smothers, side.
LVM: Do you have a favorite quote?
Tom: Power without wisdom is tyranny and wisdom without power is pointless.
Dick: Wherever you go, there you are. lvm Tommy Smothers (with brother Dick) at Infineon NASCAR race where they were
the Grand Marshalls 06/27/04. With the TV announcers, Tommy was trying
to explain the inclusion of the "Blue
Flag" (not quite the caution yellow flag). His explanation was kinda
choppy and long-winded. His brother broke in, then Tommy broke back in
and said:
" When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when
you're
done!"
***** The following works for any creative occupation:
"When my life gets dramatic, then I don't feel compelled to work," she
says."I don't want to go inside my head, looking for stories when
there's too much happening outside. I need to have a nice, quiet life.
I like to be slightly bored. I feel compelled to add the excitement
myself, and I do it through writing." Melanie
Craft (wife of Larry Ellison of Oracle) 2004 SF Chronicle
***** Not sure where I got this, I just jotted it down on a post-it note. I
think it's sensible advise.
"If you find yourself in a hole... stop digging." Unknown (01/05)
*****
Another post-it note words of wisdom, along the line of "Live life to
the fullest, everyday."
"I want to "live" to the last day of my life." Unknown (01/05)
*****
From: mskinner@calottery.com
Subject: Hey all of you, This had me rolling in tears...
Date: July 22, 2005 2:04:31 PM PDT
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES (lovers of words):
A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like and arrow—and fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism, it’s
your count that votes.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown
apart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
The short Fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on knead to know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
An optometrist fell into a lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of
himself.
*****
From: mskinner@calottery.com
Subject: Church bulletin bloopers
Date: August 2, 2005 6:19:38 PM PDT
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
They're back! Church Bulletin "bloopers".
Thank God for church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services.
--------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."
--------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
---------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
husbands.
---------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to
a conflict.
---------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't seem
to
care much about you.
---------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
---------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
---------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
----------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
----------
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes
of Pastor Jack's sermons.
-----------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
-----------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
----------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
----------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
----------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
-----------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
----------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
---------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
---------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
---------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
-----------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
-----------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please
use the back door.
------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.
------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
***** Kids Letters To Pastors
Dear Pastor,
I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold.
Age 8, Nashville.
Dear Pastor,
Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week.
I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
Dear Pastor,
My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert, Page 11, Anderson
Dear Pastor,
I’m sorry I can’t leave more money in the plate, but my father
didn’t give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about
a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven
Dear Pastor,
My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even
if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany
Dear Pastor,
I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won’t
be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
Dear Pastor,
I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
Dear Pastor,
I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than
money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12,
Sarasota
Dear Pastor,
Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.
Laurie. Age 10, New York City
Dear Pastor,
I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9.
Athens
Dear Pastor,
Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God’s help or
a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh
Dear Pastor,
My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don’t think
I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10,
South Pasadena
Dear Pastor,
Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9,
Titusville
Dear Pastor,
Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla.
Age 10, Salina
Dear Pastor,
I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age
11, Akron
Dear Pastor,
How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does
He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
*****
"You should keep on painting no matter how difficult it is... Unless it
kills you, and then you know that you have gone too far." Alice Neel (09/05 from "Art Works" Newsletter from
the Vacaville Art League & Gallery)
*****
"For as a wise man once said, 'An error does not become a mistake until
you refuse to correct it.'" John F. Kennedy (orig: 1965? 09/05)
*****
"He was to cheap to pay attention.'" Unknown (orig: ? 10/05)
*****
Honest beggar?!
Unknown (orig: 10/05)
*****
"Our flowers are so fresh...we have to slap their little faces!" Unknown (orig: ? 07/03)
*****
"Fight Stress With Patience." Unknown (orig: ? 07/03)
*****
"In God we trust, all others pay cash." Unknown (orig: ? 07/03)
*****
"The problem of the thief is not how to steal the chief's bugle, but where
to blow it." Old African Saying (orig: ? 07/03)
*****
"Men like pretty women better than intelligent ones because men can see
better than they can think." In the powder room at Freight & Salvage, Berkeley (orig:
? 07/03)
*****
License Plates Noticed:
RU1TOO
N2LEC2L
*****
"God gave us one mouth and two ears. He probably intended us to use them
in something like that proportion." Meditations of Tom Wright - Dean of Lichfield Catherdral (1997)
*****
"If you wait to see the white of their eyes, you will never know what hit
you." Franklin D. Roosevelt (1942)
*****
'Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.' Stephen Hawking (orig: ?
/ Posted 06/13/07)
*****
Advice for stubborn people. "When you're in a hole... it's generally a good idea to stop digging." Unknown (orig: ? / Posted
06/13/07)
*****
It takes both rain and sunshine to build a rainbow. Kimo Artis, Kanilau, Hawaii . (On
our trip to Hawaii)
*****
Why did the boy throw the butter out the window...to see the butter fly!
Unknown
*****
IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO STAND BEHIND
OUR TROOPS, PLEASE, PLEASE, FEEL FREE...
TO STAND IN FRONT OF THEM !!! Unknown (orig: ? / Posted
07/27/07)
*****
The Marines are at war. America is at the mall. Seen just outside of Camp Pendleton (03/16/08)
*****
I only can only recognize 2 tunes. One is "Yankee Doodle"
and the other one isn't. Ulysses Grant? From Angie Phillips. (orig:
1860's? / Posted 08/23/07)
*****
Experience means you get to try out new things when you don't know what you're
doing. Steve Garson
*****
What's worse - ignorance or apathy? Answer: I don't know and I don't care. An interviewee on the Charlie Rose Show (04/08)
***** It's chance favoring a prepared mind. Ansel Adams when asked how did he catch the
famous photograph in New Mexico with a threatening evening sky, pueblo and crosses. PBS
Documentary about Ansel Adams. (04/08)
*****
The best way to predict the future is to create it. Julie Boyer, Fit-Tech. It was at the bottom of her email
where she frequently has sayings for the day. (02/09)
*****
Speaking of being old...."I'm so old, I can remember when the the Dead Sea was
only sick!"
Dave Ledford, Dave Ledford Photography. One day when
we were complaining about getting older and various ailments. (02/19/09)
*****
The older I get the more I believe in God and the less I believe in religion. There are over 85,000 different religions in the world. Some day I'll be in hell asking "You'd you think it was?" Comedian on TV (08/03/09)
*****
We're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time. From some motivational program on TV (12/04/09)
*****
You can only double-check your parachute so many times, then you have to commit. Bear Grylls (02/24/10) http://www.beargrylls.com
*****
When I die, I want to go peacefully, like my Grandfather did. In his sleep.
Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
Not sure where I found this, I'm guessing it found me. Use those rest stops! 052410
